I have my good days and my bad days. I continuously daily forgive and pray for the other person's ministry. I don't get her actions but it is not up to me. I truly hope and pray she can make the ministry a success.
I would have to say it was the hardest thing for me to go through to try to train third person when she refused to come to training. The accusation was something else, the self pity, etc. I tried my best to not respond back with accusation but only answer questions. Not easy.
I got to the point I shook when I received an email from her because it was always a demand and accusational. It always had "you" in it.
I had to pray through it, forgive continuously and ask God's help to answer her back.
Over the months, been cleaning up the blogs, directories and videos and anything else I could find. I didn't get it all accomplished since I had a lot to deal with in January / February and part of March with training. Then when I asked her not to use a specific software to make changes on the web, even though I told Tommy how important and said it in front of the Board Lady, she did it anyway and had to spend hours and days to clean up the mess because of the difficulty of the java script code on pulldowns. That is nothing new since I've not been heard for over two years. She never heard me and I just got tired.
I got tired of the accusation, the pushing and gave in to make peace all the time. What is wrong with me because I ended up sick because I was walking on eggs all the time. I was stuck and wanted out and had no energy. I was beyond myself meeting someone else's needs and demands that I lost myself in the midst of it.
What I mean that this ministry was so important to the other person and I was continuously walking on eggs and meeting her needs, which was never enough or good enough and only open the door for more demands, that I totally had no life except the ministry. I had no time. I even would stop whatever I was doing at work to accommodate and I got to the point I could not even do another thing or could even think for myself.
When I would say anything of the isolation or her demands, I got wrath back at me. I got to the point I yelled to get her to stop or to hear me but that was no good.
There were times when she would ask me where I have been when she tried to reach me and I just didn't want to talk about it and man, slam of the phone. I had to be careful what I said to the team even though they complained constantly to me. I made excuses for her continuously. When I went on sabatical, each one called me and told me what they say. What a relief because I thought I was loosing my mind but they comforted me. I would ask them lots of questions to why they were saying what they were saying.
Each one wanted to quit the ministry and I would even talk them out of it and told them to talk to her before they did to work things out because I knew I would be blamed for them quiting. I did everything to get them to change their minds but they refused to and wanted out because she acted superior and talked down to them. She gave them no respect and demanded from them expecting extreme perfection.
I would pray and seek God and even try to give hints to only get knocked down by her. She didn't want to hear it and especially from me. I tried everything to tell her in the best way I knew and would sugar coat it to test the waters but even suger coating it, I would get attacked or she would attack them.
What I noticed is if anyone preferred me over her, she would talk horrible about them and be very accusational toward them. That broke my heart. It was hard carrying all this on my shoulders and it was wearing me out.
What did I learn through all this? Never ever go into a partnership with anyone. It is a good way to loose friendships.
I felt sorry for the other person because she was insecure and didn't want anyone to see that because of her rejection. The more rejected she felt and more insecure, the more she talked down and bossed people around. So sad to watch.
Another thing it did to me and her is that it brought the worst out of me. I screamed at her to get her to stop until I could not take it. Even when she wrote that long letter to me blaming me for her sickness and for her rejection. It broke my heart but already God was dealing with me.
You see I had lots of faults to. I would dump on this person all my problems with work. I would be upset and mad and she would hear it. That was a sad thing. I don't really talk about work these days. I just don't care and have no push in life. I'm afraid I won't be able to find a job or have a desire and will end up on the streets which is ok with me I guess. I have nothing left in me.
I started praying over myself and praising the Lord and calling out the gifts in me and got stirred up. When I tried to start something, I only got more threats and a lot of unreasonable demands. What broke my heart is that they don't want me to do anything. Preach, teach, minister, or even go to other lands. I don't know what I signed but man I felt like my life is over.
I wanted out of the control and the macromanagement over my life and here we go again. This person wants to tie me up and throw me away. I have an email where she wrote that I'm called and hope that I would start ministering again.
You know I went over a year not wanting to minister to anyone but it always came my way. I would try to avoid it but did anyway and people got healed all the time. I was at the lake and my friend has a cyst on her back and I decided to war with her and God healed her instantly. That was God all the way and he gets the praise and then I decided wow, I cannot escape God's calling but now this person wants to bury me and if she could take me out of my miserable life and probably throw me in the lake to rot if she had her way.
I pray for her healing in her broken heart. I know I broke her heart but I needed to be free from soul ties and control of her that it reallly ripped my heart until I ended up sick. It was the hardest thing I went through. It was like a death. I was hoping there could be restoration but there is no way that can happen.
It is a death of a friendship forever. What I had to learn to see and look at is this friendship was never healthy or put together the way God intended. I could never meet up to her expectations. Her expectations of friendship was to difficult for me until I didn't want it. I could not take what this friendship and partnership had become. It drained me instead of giving me life. I felt the tenacles wrap around my neck chocking me and chocking life which it almost took my life becuase of the exhaustion and such.
Anyway, I could say more except I do pray and ask the Lord to bless her ministry. I wanted to give her all the equipment, money and the ministry. I still find things around here and hope one day it will be all gone and done.
The issue of this friendship hurt so much that I had to pull down every picture of her so that I didn't cry because that is all I did for months and months was cry. I wanted to obey God and knew what it would do to her but God wants to rebalance this friendship if it is ever possible. It is called sanctification process and boy it hurts. It is also called going through the fire and I had to go through the fire to burn off the ropes that bound me - the bondswoman, but today I'm a free woman even though threats of legal action against me.
I've had to deal with training and fixing websites, January through March, then the house flooded, March and april. Took me weeks to get it all back in order before my brother got here then my dad in the hospital 3 times this time plus going in for tests and me taking off work for that.
Now, I was beginning to start cleaning up sites and removing co-founder from my name when I get this ugly certified letter accusing me for using the name.
Even regards to the message on my phone. I had to go to Sprint to have them help me. I had tried several times and getting ready to buy a new phone which would end that delima but because of the letter, I made sure I try to meet some of the reasonable demands like cleaning up blogs, removing videos from video blasters, etc. Remove names from directories out there in space which I had been doing already. I had forgotten I had a myspace account and so deleted it. She demanded me removing where I said used to be co-founder of the ministry but the attorney said I could leave that. I did send some things back such as t-shirt, hat, picture, dvd, tapes. I had bought so many cds from BIH that I don't know what I bought and what the ministry had bought. Most of what I had I bought with my own money for write off for Ezbuywebsites.
Wow, anyway, I've seen an attorney to know my rights. He gave me relief and I pray they don't go any further. Unfortunately, it takes a long time before Google and Yahoo removes what I have removed from the web. Sometimes it will never be removed depending where it is at. Some videos I didn't put out there but were spidered and are out there forever. That will have to be a thorn on her side. She will have to live with it.
Anyway, I forgive her and pray for her and still pray that the ministry will be a success. I really do hope she can make it a success for herself. She is gifted and is a good teacher and minister. God does give her great insight and I truly loved that. She is a good teacher and minister and I hope she can set many people free from the kingdom of darkness.
I hope and pray she will find others to join with her and walk with her and minister with her or she can raise up and they can help her or enhance the ministry. She is very talented that I can say and I'm very proud that she went from the ashes of her divorce to helping others. I know she and her husband can help many marriages as time goes on. I hope and pray her husband will move into his place and really enhance the ministry for her. That is my pray and is my prayer daily for her.
I also pray she can forgive me. I do plan to move forward myself. I am looking to move to another state. I'm thinking about Montana. I've always liked Montana and the mountains and the rivers and its beauty. It is not as populated but I believe I can make a home for myself. I have met a person that will allow me to live with them until I find a new job but I do have to move away.
I was told not to contact anyone who has gone through the class. I have not contacted anyone except some have contacted me. Some even wanted ministry and I said no that they had to contact her. Some I knew before the ministry and so I will honor the request of not communicating with those who have been through the class. That means DB will have to be cut off and no more conversations with her agian. She really helped me last year when all I did was cry. But I see a different lite so I believe it is time to pack my bags and move away from this place.
Why because I will run into these people and I don't want to dishonor the request. Now, there are some I'm close to that I will continue to talk to. ONe girl walked with me during my darkest times and helped me see when I was ready to see the truth of things. I was in denial of this other woman's control issues but I know it is not her but spirits working in her. I can love the person but I sure do hate that sin. That sin in her almost destroyed me even though it did distroy this friendship probably forever. I had to close the door and trust God for the future and I'm fine if it never gets restored. I will not go back to vomit.
I'm growing to get to know me for me. You see I was co-dependent on my mom and it transferred to this other preson. I now am growing into me and getting to know me all over again.
I would have to say it was the hardest thing for me to go through to try to train third person when she refused to come to training. The accusation was something else, the self pity, etc. I tried my best to not respond back with accusation but only answer questions. Not easy.
I got to the point I shook when I received an email from her because it was always a demand and accusational. It always had "you" in it.
I had to pray through it, forgive continuously and ask God's help to answer her back.
Over the months, been cleaning up the blogs, directories and videos and anything else I could find. I didn't get it all accomplished since I had a lot to deal with in January / February and part of March with training. Then when I asked her not to use a specific software to make changes on the web, even though I told Tommy how important and said it in front of the Board Lady, she did it anyway and had to spend hours and days to clean up the mess because of the difficulty of the java script code on pulldowns. That is nothing new since I've not been heard for over two years. She never heard me and I just got tired.
I got tired of the accusation, the pushing and gave in to make peace all the time. What is wrong with me because I ended up sick because I was walking on eggs all the time. I was stuck and wanted out and had no energy. I was beyond myself meeting someone else's needs and demands that I lost myself in the midst of it.
What I mean that this ministry was so important to the other person and I was continuously walking on eggs and meeting her needs, which was never enough or good enough and only open the door for more demands, that I totally had no life except the ministry. I had no time. I even would stop whatever I was doing at work to accommodate and I got to the point I could not even do another thing or could even think for myself.
When I would say anything of the isolation or her demands, I got wrath back at me. I got to the point I yelled to get her to stop or to hear me but that was no good.
There were times when she would ask me where I have been when she tried to reach me and I just didn't want to talk about it and man, slam of the phone. I had to be careful what I said to the team even though they complained constantly to me. I made excuses for her continuously. When I went on sabatical, each one called me and told me what they say. What a relief because I thought I was loosing my mind but they comforted me. I would ask them lots of questions to why they were saying what they were saying.
Each one wanted to quit the ministry and I would even talk them out of it and told them to talk to her before they did to work things out because I knew I would be blamed for them quiting. I did everything to get them to change their minds but they refused to and wanted out because she acted superior and talked down to them. She gave them no respect and demanded from them expecting extreme perfection.
I would pray and seek God and even try to give hints to only get knocked down by her. She didn't want to hear it and especially from me. I tried everything to tell her in the best way I knew and would sugar coat it to test the waters but even suger coating it, I would get attacked or she would attack them.
What I noticed is if anyone preferred me over her, she would talk horrible about them and be very accusational toward them. That broke my heart. It was hard carrying all this on my shoulders and it was wearing me out.
What did I learn through all this? Never ever go into a partnership with anyone. It is a good way to loose friendships.
I felt sorry for the other person because she was insecure and didn't want anyone to see that because of her rejection. The more rejected she felt and more insecure, the more she talked down and bossed people around. So sad to watch.
Another thing it did to me and her is that it brought the worst out of me. I screamed at her to get her to stop until I could not take it. Even when she wrote that long letter to me blaming me for her sickness and for her rejection. It broke my heart but already God was dealing with me.
You see I had lots of faults to. I would dump on this person all my problems with work. I would be upset and mad and she would hear it. That was a sad thing. I don't really talk about work these days. I just don't care and have no push in life. I'm afraid I won't be able to find a job or have a desire and will end up on the streets which is ok with me I guess. I have nothing left in me.
I started praying over myself and praising the Lord and calling out the gifts in me and got stirred up. When I tried to start something, I only got more threats and a lot of unreasonable demands. What broke my heart is that they don't want me to do anything. Preach, teach, minister, or even go to other lands. I don't know what I signed but man I felt like my life is over.
I wanted out of the control and the macromanagement over my life and here we go again. This person wants to tie me up and throw me away. I have an email where she wrote that I'm called and hope that I would start ministering again.
You know I went over a year not wanting to minister to anyone but it always came my way. I would try to avoid it but did anyway and people got healed all the time. I was at the lake and my friend has a cyst on her back and I decided to war with her and God healed her instantly. That was God all the way and he gets the praise and then I decided wow, I cannot escape God's calling but now this person wants to bury me and if she could take me out of my miserable life and probably throw me in the lake to rot if she had her way.
I pray for her healing in her broken heart. I know I broke her heart but I needed to be free from soul ties and control of her that it reallly ripped my heart until I ended up sick. It was the hardest thing I went through. It was like a death. I was hoping there could be restoration but there is no way that can happen.
It is a death of a friendship forever. What I had to learn to see and look at is this friendship was never healthy or put together the way God intended. I could never meet up to her expectations. Her expectations of friendship was to difficult for me until I didn't want it. I could not take what this friendship and partnership had become. It drained me instead of giving me life. I felt the tenacles wrap around my neck chocking me and chocking life which it almost took my life becuase of the exhaustion and such.
Anyway, I could say more except I do pray and ask the Lord to bless her ministry. I wanted to give her all the equipment, money and the ministry. I still find things around here and hope one day it will be all gone and done.
The issue of this friendship hurt so much that I had to pull down every picture of her so that I didn't cry because that is all I did for months and months was cry. I wanted to obey God and knew what it would do to her but God wants to rebalance this friendship if it is ever possible. It is called sanctification process and boy it hurts. It is also called going through the fire and I had to go through the fire to burn off the ropes that bound me - the bondswoman, but today I'm a free woman even though threats of legal action against me.
I've had to deal with training and fixing websites, January through March, then the house flooded, March and april. Took me weeks to get it all back in order before my brother got here then my dad in the hospital 3 times this time plus going in for tests and me taking off work for that.
Now, I was beginning to start cleaning up sites and removing co-founder from my name when I get this ugly certified letter accusing me for using the name.
Even regards to the message on my phone. I had to go to Sprint to have them help me. I had tried several times and getting ready to buy a new phone which would end that delima but because of the letter, I made sure I try to meet some of the reasonable demands like cleaning up blogs, removing videos from video blasters, etc. Remove names from directories out there in space which I had been doing already. I had forgotten I had a myspace account and so deleted it. She demanded me removing where I said used to be co-founder of the ministry but the attorney said I could leave that. I did send some things back such as t-shirt, hat, picture, dvd, tapes. I had bought so many cds from BIH that I don't know what I bought and what the ministry had bought. Most of what I had I bought with my own money for write off for Ezbuywebsites.
Wow, anyway, I've seen an attorney to know my rights. He gave me relief and I pray they don't go any further. Unfortunately, it takes a long time before Google and Yahoo removes what I have removed from the web. Sometimes it will never be removed depending where it is at. Some videos I didn't put out there but were spidered and are out there forever. That will have to be a thorn on her side. She will have to live with it.
Anyway, I forgive her and pray for her and still pray that the ministry will be a success. I really do hope she can make it a success for herself. She is gifted and is a good teacher and minister. God does give her great insight and I truly loved that. She is a good teacher and minister and I hope she can set many people free from the kingdom of darkness.
I hope and pray she will find others to join with her and walk with her and minister with her or she can raise up and they can help her or enhance the ministry. She is very talented that I can say and I'm very proud that she went from the ashes of her divorce to helping others. I know she and her husband can help many marriages as time goes on. I hope and pray her husband will move into his place and really enhance the ministry for her. That is my pray and is my prayer daily for her.
I also pray she can forgive me. I do plan to move forward myself. I am looking to move to another state. I'm thinking about Montana. I've always liked Montana and the mountains and the rivers and its beauty. It is not as populated but I believe I can make a home for myself. I have met a person that will allow me to live with them until I find a new job but I do have to move away.
I was told not to contact anyone who has gone through the class. I have not contacted anyone except some have contacted me. Some even wanted ministry and I said no that they had to contact her. Some I knew before the ministry and so I will honor the request of not communicating with those who have been through the class. That means DB will have to be cut off and no more conversations with her agian. She really helped me last year when all I did was cry. But I see a different lite so I believe it is time to pack my bags and move away from this place.
Why because I will run into these people and I don't want to dishonor the request. Now, there are some I'm close to that I will continue to talk to. ONe girl walked with me during my darkest times and helped me see when I was ready to see the truth of things. I was in denial of this other woman's control issues but I know it is not her but spirits working in her. I can love the person but I sure do hate that sin. That sin in her almost destroyed me even though it did distroy this friendship probably forever. I had to close the door and trust God for the future and I'm fine if it never gets restored. I will not go back to vomit.
I'm growing to get to know me for me. You see I was co-dependent on my mom and it transferred to this other preson. I now am growing into me and getting to know me all over again.
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